that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
