Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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