I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
