i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
