I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
