I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it glows. i had to have it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
