I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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