Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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