Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's get the cat blown out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
