I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
