i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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