you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My ass is underappreciated
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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