I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
