were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
