I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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