I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
