I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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