Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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