sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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