I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
