Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize