we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
