why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
