i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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