just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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