Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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