Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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