he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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