we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
