He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
