Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
