Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
