What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
