Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
