Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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