Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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