Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
