I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
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It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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