he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
