i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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