i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
