The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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