is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The best revenge is premature balding
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
