I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
