just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
