i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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