farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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