Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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