call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
