But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
