Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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