He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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