I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
