what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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