I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
