Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize