Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
