This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
