trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
