What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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