i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
