is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
