Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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