My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
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Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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