Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
True strength comes from lack of pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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