At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
