and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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