thus making me awesome and them whores
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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