Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
